| Hello. Anybody? |
[17 Jul 2009|02:42pm] |
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I can tell that LiveJournal isn't doing so good these days. Everyone else has moved on the bigger and better social networking sites (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, MySpace). I must accept a little bit of responsibility too. I don't nearly update as much as I used too. I still check LJ like 8 times a day, but hardly anyone posts anymore. Well, I'm not throwing in the towel by any means. I've been using LJ for what...6...7 years now. I've never kept up with a journal for more than a week in my life. I go back and reread it from time to time. It amazing at how clear the memories are when you read them, yet how amazing at the amount you can change in such a short amount of time. So anyways, I'm going to keep going for myself, even if there's only 10% of the community that there was 4 years ago.
Life is actually going pretty kick ass for me recently. Things with Krishelle are fabulous and I really could not be an inch happier. [Is that a term?] Last night, we went and ate at Pizza Hut then walked around that shopping center across from Best Buy. I've live din this area for half my life, and I can't think of a time I've actually looked at the stores in that place. Anyways, the weather was absolutely perfect around sunset. Not humid, cool breeze, yet still warm. Just a really great way to end a long work day.
Speaking of work, each day the past couple of weeks seems to drag on for an eternity. I have no idea why, but 8 hour days feel like 20 hours days. The end of the day never comes soon enough.
This weekend I've got Dick Wolf practice, then Moose's wedding bash, and Jimmy's off work, so I'm supposed to hangout with him. Next Saturday is my birthday,a nd I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'd like to be able to get folks together to hangout somewhere, but I have no idea where. Starz maybe.
Leon Redbone is going to be playing in Huntsville in February. I'll definitely be going that see him again.
Live Long & Prosper
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[17 Jul 2009|01:13pm] |
Wrote this yesterday, posted it on Facebook, but not here. You might have already heard.
So, I was driving back home from Aerochild Tattoo around 1:30. The weather was great. It had just stopped raining and the sun was out, but the water on the road hadn’t started coming up yet. It was all shiny and black and the air wasn’t muggy; I had found myself in that perfect ten minutes after a rain storm in the Alabama summer. I was driving South on highway 31, thinking about how good things had been going lately. My increasingly frequent bouts of sobriety have been welcome, and had upgraded my generally morose demeanor to something much more tolerable. There have been some minor upsets lately, but nothing I couldn’t manage. Everything has seemed so accessible lately.
Half a second later I look up and see the traffic light in front of me turn yellow. I’m on a shallow incline and have about 60 feet to stop, with one car already stopping at the intersection in front of me. I’m going an easy 43 miles an hour. Nothing seems unusual. I step on the break thinking about a girl and the song lyrics on the stereo. “I will take this old car to get to you.” But my car doesn’t stop. I press harder, my car doesn’t stop…harder. I realize “I’m hydroplaning. I still have at least 25 to stop. Maybe I can do this.” But I didn’t even slow down. By this time, I had cut the wheel as far as I could to the left, trying to run into the left turn lane, or even the median. I know you’re not supposed to do that, but it was impulse.
I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. I never wear a seatbelt when I drive. I always wear one when I ride with someone, but if I’m driving, I’m in control. If I die, I die. No big deal. When I had 10 feet left to go, my car rotated about 35 degrees on the water. I realized that there was no way I was going to avoid impact, and I should instead focus on avoiding physical injury, so I did what is probably the smartest thing I have ever done in my life. I held onto the wheel, loosened my grip, took my foot off the break, and fell completely limp. It might sound dumb, but I hit a car pretty much dead on going 40 miles an hour wearing no seatbelt and was fine. Oh yeah, my airbags failed to deploy.
I don’t know what I’m going to do about a car. I don’t know what I’m going to do about anything. I’ll be fine. I always am. I’m just so fucking sore.
“I will take these old shoes to get to you.”
And the update:
I've got a car I can use to get to work, and, because I have the best friends ever, I'm square on rides to everything I need to get to until I can at least figure out what I'm going to do about a car. I might have to get a rental for my trip next month. Them's the breaks, though. Thanks for everybody who called to make sure I was alright.
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| "sleep deprivation and stories of my bullshit youth." |
[17 Jul 2009|10:46am] |
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The One with the Wurlitzer - American Football |
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From "Burn Collector 7" by Al Burian.
I left them to bicker over tools and went inside to lay down and pick up where I had left off in my quest for a coma. Laying on the floor in my sleeping bag, my head was directly next to a heating vent, which blows sometimes soothingly onto my furrowed brow and reminds me of wise and all-knowing Athena, wiping the sweat from my anxious forehead. It also permits me to rock some of my award-winning hairstyles. In any case, moments after laying down for my second attempt at getting some rest, I heard the voice of the duct repair men directly underneath my face. I realized, with a start, that the crawlspace entrance was situated exactly below me, and that, as I lay face-down, the cardboard thin floor was all that was separating me from French-kissing the squirming ductman, whom I could hear loud and clear, grunting and moaning obscenely as he maneuvered his frame into the claustrosphere underneath my house.
"Oh God…" I heard him snarl, "this is full of broken glass. Why is it always me who has to crawl into these hell holes?" A good question. It began to dawn on me that only inches away from me squirmed the man with the worst job in the world. "AAAGH!" he screamed. "I got glass in my back." He snaked his way further, alternately swearing, screaming in pain, and bellowing Stone Temple Pilots lyrics. "I am, I am, I wanna get with you babe," he crooned. Arriving at some juncture in the venting system at which it was necessary for him to begin hammering maniacally, he proceeded to pound away, and I drifted eventually into a deep, death-like sleep. As I was nodding out though, I heard him scream again, and the exited exclamation to his partner: "Chris! Do you see this? Does this look like a human bone to you?"
The house in which I currently resides is indeed appropriately referred to as a "hell hole." Architecturally, it is a sterling example of the southern "eyeballin' it" school of masonry, a liquor-fortified brand of gutsy carpentry wherein the goal is to avoid all ninety degree angles. The over all result evokes a small child with a crayon, drawing up elaborate blueprints in the shaky hand of Cap'n Crunch-induced sugar spasms, and then some sadistic realty company owning dad building a house to the child's specifications, all to teach him a lesson about using rulers. The wind howls in through the jagged gaps between wall and window frames, and sketchy plywood doors hang awkwardly from rusty hinges, ill-fit for door frames they've been randomly assigned to. There are advantages to living in such a death-trap, to be sure. Sometimes it's hard to keep them in mind though.
I myself reside within the sketchiest quarters. My "room" is essentially the crawlspace between the outer wall and a homemade, constructed wall, erected from the debris of a fence which was torn down at our old house and left to rot. It continues to rot, but now in a much more functional, semi-privacy-facilitating fashion. My housemates, Dave, Roby and Seth, don't really have it that much more palatial in the rooming department, and I feel especially sorry for Dave, whose room not only doubles as the band practice room, but also provides the stoic virtue of being unheated.
To the extent that the house can even maintain a United States zip code and thus consider itself a part of the first world, various plumbing and heating improvements were performed by Roby, who has also installed shutters on her windows so that they completely shut out all light. This is helpful for shooting films or, alternatively, just modifying her light intake to the six months of no sunlight her Scandinavian heritage demands. Patrick, ideological ally and freelance superhuman, helped a lot with plumbing and wall building, as well as rendering an eerily accurate life-size likeness of Ozzy Osbourne on this wall.
The other really unfathomable thing about my housing situation is the fact that the landlord is located in a realty office right across the street. This is the element that really makes my whole life transcend a life right now, and start to take on the grainy, overly real antic timing of a Fawlty Towers episode, an Inspector Cleusseau movie. Not only do we live in our "office" illegally but we refuse to pay rent on it, on the grounds that he hasn’t fixed the stuff we’re fixing ourselves. But it's not like this is some absentee landlord- this guy literally comes by, pounding on the door, and we cower in the back room and shush each other until he goes away. It's a tough way to live, although it's pretty easy to slip into the immune frame of mind which relates the experience to Ferris Beuler's Day Off or some other iconic scenario of youthful triumph over vaguely defined authority, and thus be having a really good time. Mostly, it's just interesting to trace your path from the womb, the various choices, so arbitrary at the time and so crucial introspect, which led to this moment, and the specific set of bizarre circumstances which we wave in to our frame of reference so emphatically, inviting in the sketchfactors as if holding black and white checkered racing flags. This is a snapshot of me right now, the life I live, suspended in the moment, waiting to be kicked out or have the floor cave in, suspenseful motions in my suspended animation.
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[17 Jul 2009|07:09am] |
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[16 Jul 2009|09:03am] |
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heaven shall burn- awoken/endzeit |
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barring disaster, in 11 days i'll be done with everything for my master's degree. graduation is august 8th, but i'm not planning on walking. and honestly, i'm pretty terrified and unsure about what comes next. i suppose that, given the amount of time and money i put into getting certified, i'd be pretty sure about teaching and where i'd end up, but i'm not. it's the same old existential crisis/second-guessing my decisions bit that i always go through. things almost always work out, even when i'm deep in the midt of cloudiness, so i'm sure they'll work out again, it's just a matter of seeing where the current takes me.
depending on my finances, i may need to postpone my road trip by a week or so until late the first week/early the second week of august. the rough plan right now looks something like this: (and i don't have any firm dates- i was just kind of planning on seeing how things went in each city): nashville, tn; greensboro, nc; gaylordsville, ct; boston/northampton, ma; vermont; upstate new york; the london, ontario area; chicago; cincinnati, oh; indianapolis, in; tulsa, ok; flagstaff, az; and phoenix, az. if you live anywhere near these places and want to hang out, get in touch with me and we'll try to get something worked out. the logistics of coming back from arizona are a bit hazy, as i don't really know anyone in texas, so i may end up camping out somewhere. all this is also going to depend on my money situation, as well as the grand assumption that my car will even make it.
in addition, i'm feeling torn in opposing directions regarding the life i lead now and the life i'd like to lead, but i don't have time to write about it now.
regardless, i hope all of you are well.
yours,
brian.
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[15 Jul 2009|07:14pm] |
Tossin' shit
Dancin' by myself
Pullin' out my hair
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| 1st Annual Rocket City Rumble THIS SATURDAY!!! |
[15 Jul 2009|06:32pm] |
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mood |
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Saturday July 18th, 2009
Von Braun Center South Hall
Doors Open @ 11:00 am
Bouts Start @ 12:00 pm
Championship Bout Starts @ 7:00 pm
Dixie Derby Girls All-Stars (Huntsville, AL)
Nashville Rollergirls All-Stars (Nashville, TN)
Big Easy Rollergirls All-Stars (New Orleans, LA)
Atlanta Rollergirls Dirty South Derby Girls (Atlanta, GA)
Tampa Bay Derby Darlins Tampa Tantrums (Tampa Bay, FL)
Northwest Arkansas Roller Girls Killbilles (Fayetteville, AR)
NOW! ALL KIDS 12 and under free!!!
Buy your Advance Tickets NOW!
Get Your Season Pass NOW!
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[14 Jul 2009|10:40pm] |
i just read that they are remaking let the right one in. for american audiences of course. changing the name to let me in.
directed by the guy that directed cloverfield.
doing this is like someone saying "oh my god, look at the mona lisa!" then some dumb fucking american saying "look! i drawd some boobies!"
fuck hollywood.
why are americans so stupid?
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[14 Jul 2009|09:52pm] |
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Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon |
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this morning I ordered glow in the dark powder off the internet.
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| Cleaning House |
[14 Jul 2009|09:47am] |
Nostalgia is something I actively resist. It's so counterproductive to just sit and dwell on the past, whether lamenting or relishing it. I'd like to say that as a byproduct of avoiding nostalgia I'm able to be fully focused on the future, but often times it's too easy to fall into a rut and wallow in the present.
As I prepare to move into my new apartment I'm going through all my old shit at my parent's place. So much of it is easily disposable. My throwaway pile is already huge and I've only cleaned off two bookshelves, but the contents of my bedside proved to be a lot more difficult to sort through. I found myself stopping every few moments to read old letters. It's odd to read notes from people I don't even remember, or to recall the old dynamic - now confined to a piece of paper - of a dead friendship. Love notes from ex-girlfriends are uncomfortable to read, especially the ones that I'm not on the best terms with.
My first inclination was to save all this correspondence, but upon reflection I don't really see the point. It's just clutter. It's kind of hard to throw it all away, though. I keep telling myself I won't miss any of it...
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[14 Jul 2009|12:55am] |
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getting everything i want isn't as good as it sounds. and definitely not compared to losing something that i at least kind of want.
i don't know what my problem is. it's not okay to act like that or treat anyone like that. and i won't stop beating myself up about this for a long time, hopefully. i've hardly eaten anything for like 2 days. and i can't stop shaking. and my stomach just won't stop flipping. i'm not so upset at my decision really, just at how badly it hurt you. i still don't know what i want. i do know that i need to learn to stop being so selfish and maybe think about other peoples' feelings. it's obvious that i do care. i just need to think ahead and make better decisions.
maybe i do need to get away, afterall.
i want to text you goodnight tonight so bad. i've missed that.
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[13 Jul 2009|11:14am] |
It's hard to explain
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| my faith has been restored |
[12 Jul 2009|11:02pm] |
the indigo girls put on a fantastic show last night in san luis obispo. by far the best i've seen in over two years. i am so glad that i sucked it up and went. i'd be kicking myself had i missed that one. highlights: faye tucker, salty south, true romantic (still not a fan of the lyrics, but sold sold sold on it live), deconstruction, fugitive, and more.
setlist is not within reachable distance, and i am quite lazy at the moment. i will post that eventually. no photos (except for a crappy iphone upload to my facebook) - my camera was in kentucky at a black crowes show.
i'm actually excited for the rest of the indigo girls shows this summer. really really really excited.
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[12 Jul 2009|02:24pm] |
im not the person that you have seen or met.
get inside of my brain and feel very uncomfortable.
im done being the one who cheers people up.
like clarissa said "i'm broke and i need people to pay me back."
well, im broken and i need people to pay me back.
if you think life is just about money and trying to be the best, fuck off.
im looking for people who will just enjoy.
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[11 Jul 2009|09:55pm] |
( my brain now )
damned if i do ya. damned if i don't. : )
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[11 Jul 2009|09:58am] |
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Grateful Dead |
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I had orientation for the UA yesterday. I got signed up for classes but I still have a lot of other paper work to do. I revieved a big 'ol Pell Grant to take care of me the next two semesters. The ladies at the School of Social Work were extremely helpful. If I take full course loads the next few semesters I'll graduate in 2011. However, I can shorten that by taking summer classes, which I intend on doing. I'm really excited. Right now I'm taking 10 hrs. Taking French 101, Soc. Work 100, and Soc. Psych. I took the math placement and got into Math 112, but I haven't decided if my funds will cover another class right now.
I've been house hunting like mad lately with two other girls. We were really in love with one house that was located in Alberta City but we had to have a co-signer. Since it was in a bad part of town, none of our parents would sign for us. I've been waging war with my father the past week or so over the fact that I am moving. I've been trying to build boundaries like crazy with that. Whatever his problems are, aren't mine and he can't live my life. I'll be so much happier being closer to school, work, someone I care about, and a gym.
Anyway, we saw two houses yesterday that we all three liked. However, I like/love one more than the other and one of the girls feels the complete opposite, leaving the third girl in the middle. She's leaning my way though so I'm stoked. The old guy that's renting it seemed genuinely interested in us as people, and insisted that we look around the place by ourselves. While we were inside, we watched him walk behind my car and check out the stickers on it. Then when he came back in was like, "Noticed you like music, Baak Gwai and Oz". I'm thinking he may be a professor of some sort since he seemed really in the know for his age. The house needs a lot of work, but we're really excited about helping fix it up (me and the other girl) if we can.
I joined a gym last month and that's been really great for me. I feel so much more mentally and physically sharp. I have so much more stamina and get less winded. I've been really wanting to go hiking somewhere steep, but I know I'll have to hold out a little bit longer for that. I don't know if I have any real goals with it all though, I guess just to be in better shape.
Andrew and I went up to North Carolina last weekend. It had its ups and downs. Since the area we went to is huge on white water rafting, the place was covered in people. We also got a flat tire on the way there in which he had to spend a lot of money on a new tire. Since every hotel/motel was sold out, the only place we could find was a motel called the Starlight Motel. We stayed in an Elvis themed jacuzzi room for a night. It was fucking amazing, trashy and glorious. The last night we camped out in the Blue Ridge Mts. It started raining at around 3:30 AM so we piled everything back into the car and sat in the Bojangle's parking lot until it opened, then headed home. It was absolutely beautiful there. I recommend going to visit Bryson City, NC if you ever want to get away. The Nantahala River stays in the 40s year round so it was too cold to swim in. But I'd like to go back and white water raft sometime.
We've had our many ups and downs, but I'm thinking I'm on the verge of "in love" with this boy. It sounds ridiculous, but goddamn. I'm happy and he's such a beautiful person and has brought and shown me so much beauty this past year. I'm really just tired of running away from my feelings and being stupid as fuck.
My life is just where I want it to be. I've stopped trying to count my chickens before they hatch and live in the now. I'll deal with what's thrown my way when it happens.
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[10 Jul 2009|12:49pm] |
Livejournal is for:
- Bitchin'
- Rantin'
- Callin' peoples out.
When I'm doing OK I have nothing to write about.
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[10 Jul 2009|11:53am] |
While going through the clutter in my room I found an old log I kept during my trip to Daytona with John and Matt a few years back. Here's my favorite entry:
12-30-06
I've been pulling blood out of my hair all morning. There are still hot girls everywhere.
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